Kellyanne Conway’s Cold War Collection of Kitchen Spyware

collage vintage Housewives and kitchen and spy vs spy cartoon MAD Magazine

In Kellyanne Conway’s alternative universe cold war housewives benefited  from a whole range of  home spy surveillance equipment like blenders, mixers, percolators and dishwashers all at her fingertips, all helping to turn a housewife into a first class cold war spy. (L) Vintage 1960s MAD Magazine cartoon Spy Vs Spy

From the Kellyanne Conway Cold War Kitchen Collection of spyware just right for around the house and around the clock surveillance. Perfect for that mid-century miss intent on keeping her eyes peeled for a Ruskie spy posing as the milkman.

Obama may have watched Trump by turning his microwave into a camera, but long before the advent of microwaves, the James Bond era cold war housewife could rely on a whole range of small kitchen appliances to not only make her cooking faster, easier, and cleaner, but provide much-needed surveillance of cheating husbands, misbehaving children or the rogue KGB neighbor snooping around the kaffee klatch.

At least in the Kellyanne Conway alternative universe.

I Spy

collage spy shoe 1960s and 1960s housewife in the kitchen

1960’s spy surveillance equipment. (L) A CIA camera hidden in a shoe heel and a housewife turned spy “basting” her roast in her wall oven installed with a hidden surveillance device, from the Kellyanne Conway Collection of Kitchen Spyware.

This was the golden age of spying and housewives weren’t exempt.

Mid century Mad Men with their three  martini lunches may have looked skeptically at that olive in their martinis ( a favorite bugging device) but they’d be smarter to pay attention to that wall oven in their suburban kitchen or that electric skillet.

Care for some surveillance with your sunny side eggs?

James Bond and Life Magazine on Spying

Uber secret agent 007 James Bond (L) and Life Magazine cover on Electronic Spying 1966

By the spy vs spy 1960’s our government had been electronically spying on its citizens for years. “Bugging is so shockingly widespread.” went an article in Life Magazine in 1966, “and so increasingly insidious that no one can be certain any longer that his home is his castle–free of intrusion.”

Technology allowed smaller and smaller eavesdropping devices, some even sugar cube sized we were told with astonishment. The CIA made use of them all- microphones in wristwatches and cuff-links, hidden transmitters in pens, key chains and cigarette lighters.

Why not an Oster blender with a tracking device that would also  transmit even a whisper from 35 feet away.

What cold war housewife wouldn’t want to turn into Agent 99?

Kellyanne Conway’s Cold War Childhood- Alternative Facts

It’s no wonder that Kellyanne got the idea of microwaving as spy surveillance. She learned it right at home.

 

Diana Rigg

The Avengers Diana Rigg played secret Agent Emma Peel

When little Kellyanne Fitzpatrick’s Mom wanted  to check in on her daughter she merely had to open her GE Electric Rotisserie and presto, a black and white photo of the little girls activities would  appear. The table top Rotisserie as accurate as the finest oven for cooking or surveillance. Just push the button…set the timer…and forget it.

Records all activity. Broiled meats turn out juicier…as juicy as the surveillance pictures you capture.

Vintage ad Presto Control Master

With the Presto Control Master a housewife could control her electric fry pan, griddle or skillet. And record every conversation from the hand held device. Vintage ad Presto Control Master

Surrounded by waffle irons with built-in cameras that monitor anyone from anywhere, percolators that transmit  highly sensitive information and the ever popular Presto Control Master that never forgets…because it records every conversation…Espionage was all around her.

Kellyanne’s Mom clearly imagined herself to be a secret agent like intelligent, stylish and assertive Emma Peel of the Avengers.

Kenner's Easy Bake Oven

Kenner’s Easy Bake Oven in the original turquoise. Kellyanne most likely got the updated model available in avocado green.

When it came time for Christmas, was it any wonder then that when  little Kelly who had her heart set on a camera was delighted with that most wished for present – a Kenner Easy Bake Oven.

With the Easy Bake Oven Spyware she didn’t need a Polaroid Swinger Camera to take pictures. She knew it was not only first-rate for EZ cooking but could ingeniously, secretly monitor her playmates too.

1960s dress and KellyanneConway

(L) a 1965 dress based on a design for Avengers Emma Peel -intelligent, stylish and assertive. (R) KellyanneConay

An alternatives fact Avenger was born!

 

© Sally Edelstein and Envisioning The American Dream, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sally Edelstein and Envisioning The American Dream with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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8 comments

  1. I was in need of a chuckle this morning, thank you!

    Like

  2. Lynn

    Excellent work, as usual. I feel as if I’m re-living my childhood with every issue you publish, except this time trying to remember mom’s kitchen & other household magic tools. My dad printed the local newspaper so he was revealing all the local events while mom concentrated on her tools until she tired & then rested on the couch watching afternoon ‘soap operas’.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, Sally! What a delightfully wicked send up on my least favorite Trumpster!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Spy Vs Spy was always one of my favorite MAD magazine articles but now it’s become a reality. I really miss William Gaines’ MAD magazine quite a bit. There isn’t enough satire in our lives. So many are so humorless.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I still can’t get over her inauguration costume.

    Liked by 1 person

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