Driving While Black. Facing the Facts of Life Again

Protest Daunte Wright Killing

A killing.


Once more, another shooting of a Black man by the police. How many more times can I keep writing that.

How many times can we keep saying that, reading that, living that? How many times can we keep telling our kids this.

It feels as though we are a nation perpetually stuck in an endless loop of reruns.

Mass shootings. Again.

Daunte Wright

Daunte Wright. A father. A son. A friend. A Black man in America

A Black man killed by police. Again. Only the names change.

Daunte Wright.

The same shows with the familiar plots play over and over and over until we become numb to them. This latest tragic story is the now all too familiar American story.

Daunte Wright Killing Bodycam

Bodycam footage showing the moment Daunte Wright was shot by a police officer during a traffic stop in Minnesota

On an ordinary April afternoon, a Minnesota police officer shot and killed 20-year-old Daunte Wright, mere minutes after pulling him over for hanging an air freshener on his rearview mirror. Killed for the fresh scent of pine. Played against the backdrop of another Minneapolis police officer on trial for the cruel and horrific murder of George Floyd  last year. The 8 minute and 46 seconds torture and murder we all saw with our own horrified eyes.


Protests Daunte Wright

There must be accountability. Driving while black should not be a death sentence. The killings of George Floyd and Daunte Wright are not an anomaly.

A busted tail light, Tinted windows, A Broken muffler, Now a dangling air freshener. Trivial violations that have lead to death at traffic stops.

Black Americans are 3.23 times more likely than whites to be killed by police.

These are the facts of life.

The facts bear repeating. As does this post.

Facts of Life in Black and White


Black Family at Home 1960s

At what age does an African-American learn that “my life doesn’t matter?” These children will grow up to be the most feared, stereotyped, and misunderstood in society.

At what age does an African-American learn that “my life doesn’t matter?” These children will grow up to be the most feared, stereotyped and misunderstood in society.

At what age does a black boy learn he is perceived as menacing and dangerous?

At what age is he told of systemic racism and state-sanctioned brutality against someone who looks just like him?

At what age does an African-American learn that “my life doesn’t matter?”

These Are the Facts

The facts of life are vastly different if you are black or white.

There comes a time when every Black parent must have “the talk” with their child. No amount of education, manners or talent will protect them from the facts of life of being Black in America.

These are conversations that white people do not have to have with their children.

Those were facts of life I would learn late.

1967 – Burning Questions For the Baby Boomer

Vintage Ilustration Teens

Vintage 1960’s Illustration Teens from The Life Cycle Library For Young People – Dating

It was 1967 the summer of love and the gaggle of diaper-clad baby boomers who had first moved into my suburban Long Island development in the mid 1950s were all now approaching puberty.

It was time to learn the facts of life.

In splanches and ranches up and down the block, mothers and fathers were gathering in their knotty pine early American dens with their offspring to awkwardly have “the talk.” Others chose their avocado hued kitchens to hold court. Seated at pedestal dinette sets in swivel chairs bedecked in  flower-power vinyl questions and answers about the facts of life were being uncomfortably discussed.

Inside one split level home tucked in the cul-de-sac, another set of parents filled with equal dread, sat their 13-year-old son down for his “talk.”  But their discussion was less birds and bees and more about life and death. What did it mean growing from a black boy to being a black man in America.

Though the houses were identical, the talks were as different as black and white.

Vintage Photo African American outside their suburban home

Earlier that year, a Negro family had moved into our lily-white neighborhood, with a son just my age.

Ensconced in their newly built American Dream split level with the immaculately manicured lawn, I never imagined their lives proceeded differently from mine. After all, his mother shopped at the same local Food Fair, his dentist dad religiously mowed the lush front lawn, and Roger their son bedecked in Henley shirts and perma-press pants seemed to fit right in. They certainly didn’t seem excluded from the American dream.

But behind closed doors, his parents had to prepare him from a world I would never know.  But one that I got a glimpse of on TV that summer.

Smoke and Fire-  The Country Erupts

riots southbend 1967

Riots South Bend Indiana 1967. A police officer and several youths surround bloodied teenager one of 7 wounded by gunfire or other violence on July 1967 the second night of the riots.

That ethereal summer of love contrasted sharply with the blazing race riots that spread from Detroit to Newark, to Washington DC. It was a summer of smoke and fire as Blacks revolted across the nation as the renewed struggle for civil rights seemed to have a ripple effect.

All the uproar of the riots with exploding heat and violence crackled across the nation and across our RCA TV screens,  bringing the flames of black revolt, the burning ghettos, the looting streets, and Federal troops in riot gear, directly into out smartly decorated living rooms.

The riots made the police brutality and injustices all too visible.

newark riots

Newark, New Jersey riots, 1967

I was oblivious that Black parents might have to parent their children differently than white kids because of these injustices. To give them different warnings and reminders when they left the safety of their home.

In the comfort of their Scotch-guarded sleekly designed Mediterranean living room, my African-American neighbors would have to teach their sons to be safe when there was a police encounter, to teach them to do exactly what the officer asked, even if they are being targeted because of their race.

Like generations before them, they had to prepare them for the realities that people of color face. When you leave the front door you would be judged as a black man first.

Facts of Life – It’s as Simple as Black and White

Black Lives Matters and The Facts of Life collage

What Every Teenager Should Know. More than getting a date, the facts of life for a black teen means the goal is staying alive. The criminal justice system is broken when it comes to holding police accountable following deadly shootings.   Michael Brown 17 years old  and  Tamir Rice, 12 years old

Learning the facts of life remain vastly different for a white child than a black child.

Life’s biggest challenges according to a popular mid-century book entitled Facts of Life and Love For Teenagers, explained what every teenager should know. Besides brushing up on the birds and bees, the book was chock full of tips such as keeping up a snappy conversation, what makes a great date, and the pros and cons of going steady.

What it meant to grow up was very different.

teens dancing SWScan06552

“Young people have always wondered about growing up and becoming men and women,” the book begins. “Some of life’s biggest questions arise as you leave childhood and approach adulthood. Of course you want to know what it means to become a full-fledged man or woman.”

For a white teen maturity came with big responsibilities. Getting “in trouble” meant either getting pregnant out of marriage, an awkward date  or the horrors of a conversational gap on your date.


Trayvon Martin, a 17 year old unarmed boy was confronted, shot, and killed by a neighborhood watch volunteer.

To be a full-fledged black man means to learn to survive.

Good Manners

teens date parents SWScan06555

Part of the facts of life and love for white boys and girls was learning the importance of good conduct and courtesy in  order to get and keep dates. Life was like a box of chocolates for young teens – you never knew what exciting opportunity you might encounter and you needed to be prepared for. Good manners would be a lifesaver in awkward situations.

“Remember that boasting and shouting complaining and pouting and temper tantrums are unpleasant to others and that courteous listening, thoughtfulness and consideration of others are always pleasing,” the book suggested.

sandra bland

Routine traffic stops turning deadly are becoming all too routine and women of color are often left out of discussion of police brutality. Sandra Bland

A Black teen will also learn good manners can be a life saver…literally.

Part of their “talk” is learning  rules of good conduct especially around police. If you get stopped for a traffic violation: Always use your Sunday school manners; answer questions “yes sir,” “no ma’am”; don’t slouch; keep hands where they can be seen and above all else do not argue. Do not ask questions. Do as you are told. Do not move suddenly. Do not run.

Good manners mean the difference between life and death.



Philando Castile

As the bitter debate about how our police force treats non white citizens escalates, it has exposed a truth many minorities know. After being stopped for a broken tail light, Philando Castile died from being shot through the window of his car by a Police officer in Minnesota.

A Normal Part of Growing Up?

“Whatever your worries, it’s all just normal,” the book reassures the teen. “Some young people may be happily surprised to discover that some of the things they have been worrying about are just a normal part of growing up.”

For Black teens, fear will become a normal part of growing up. And it doesn’t matter your car, your college or the street you live on.

African-Americans learn too early their lives don’t matter.

That’s a fact of life.

It’s now time for white adults to have “the talk” among themselves. As a matter of fact, Black lives do matter.



TRAYVON MARTIN (Walking home with iced tea and Skittles. Shot by George Zinneman, who was found not guilty.)

KEITH SCOTT (Sitting in car, reading. Shot by police officer, who was not charged.)

ATATIANA JEFFERSON (Looking out her window, shot by police officer, who is still under indictment for murder.)

JONATHAN FERRELL (Asking for help after auto accident. Shot twelve times by police, case ended in mistrial.)

JORDAN EDWARDS (Riding in a car. Shot in the back of the head by police officer, who was found guilty of murder.)

STEPHON CLARK (Holdng a cel phone. Shot 8 times, 6 in the back. Officers not charged.)

AMADOU DIALLO (While taking out wallet, officers fired 41 shots by four officers, who were all acquitted.)

RENISHA MCBRIDE (Auto accident, knocked on door for help. Homeowner was found guilty of second-degree murder.)

TAMIR RICE (Playing with toy gun, shot by police officer arriving on scene. Officer was not charged.

SEAN BELL (Hosting a bachelor party, 50 rounds fired by police officers, who were found not guilty of charges.)

WALTER SCOTT (Pulled over for brake light, shot in the back by police officer, who pleaded guilty to civil rights violations.)

PHILANDO CASTILE (Pulled over in car, told officer he had a legally registered weapon in car. Officer acquitted of all charges.)

AIYANA JONES (Sleeping, accidentally shot by officer in a raid on wrong apartment. Officer cleared of all charges.)

TERRENCE CRUTCHER (Disabled vehicle, shot by police officer, who was found not guilty of manslaughter.)

ALTON STERLING (Selling CDs, shot at close range while being arrested. No charges filed.)

FREDDIE GRAY (Beaten to death by officers while being transported in police van. All officers involved were acquitted.)

JOHN CRAWFORD (Shopping at WalMart, holding a BB gun on sale, police officer was not charged.)

MICHAEL BROWN (Shot by twelve times by officer, including in the back. No charges filed.)

JORDAN DAVIS (Killed because he was playing loud music. Shooter found guilty of first-degree murder.)

SANDRA BLAND (Pulled over for traffic ticket, tasered and arrested. Suspicious “suicide” while in jail. No charges.)

BOTHAM JEAN (Shot at home, which police officer mistook for her own. Officer found guilty of murder.)

OSCAR GRANT (Handcuffed and face-down, officer shot him in the back. Officer found guilty of involuntary manslaughter.)

COREY JONES (Waiting by his disabled vehicle, was shot three times by police officer, who was found guilty of murder.)

AHMAUD AUBREY (Jogging, shot by two men who claimed they suspected him of burglaries. Both men charged with murder and aggravated assault” Chyna Smith



© Sally Edelstein and Envisioning The American Dream, 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sally Edelstein and Envisioning The American Dream with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.




  1. Sally, thanks for doing this. So much gets escalated that need not be that way. Malcolm Gladwell takes the Sandra Bland traffic stop and shows how it got out of hand so easily. The police officer had many places in the conversation not to escalate it, but blew right through them. Bland was in town for a job interview and she winds up dead in her cell after being arrested. Keith


  2. Thank you for helping me to “remember their names” as this horror continues. And it’s not just driving while Black; my fellow citizens are being shot for jaywalking, or riding a bicycle at night…. For misdemeanors that — in the days of my white privileged youth — would have resulted in either a warning or a “fix it ticket.” Broken tail light? My (white) father was given a ticket that would be torn up if he showed the police that the light had been repaired within ten days. The (white) assumption was that the police were helping us to stay safe.
    Your post was excellent, but it felt wrong to read about injustice and then click “like.”


  3. Im glad this post moved Susan. From the perch of white privilege, we can be oblivious to the day-to-day realities of what Black Americans are subjected to. A white person would never even assume a broken tail light would result in their death. Others don’t have that luxury. Its a tragedy of epic proportion.


  4. There is something much more sinister at play here, than the cutesy explanation of “driving while black.” There is a perception among some police officers that black men, even if unarmed, are dangerous and therefore deserving of the excessive and what they believe, is defensive force applied against them. Are these the actions of just a few bad apples, or are these actions indicative of a fearful racist streak that’s embedded in white America? The need for black parents to caution their children about how “not” to be shot by the police, is a crying shame in a country where “supposedly” all men are created equal. Kudos to you Sally, for continuing to call out these tragic injustices and to remind us that each undeserved victim of a police shooting was not just an anonymous black face, but rather was one who had a name, a family and who likely had hopes and dreams that mirrored our own.


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