I was still playing with Barbie dolls the first time I thought of suicide.

Beginning in childhood, while depression took up permanent residency in my mind claiming squatters’ rights, suicidal thoughts rented out a shady back room, menacing, ready to pounce in the darkest despair of hopelessness.

Thoughts that could completely hijack my mind.

But there was nowhere to speak of something so dark. Pediatric suicide wasn’t even on our radar decades ago.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day and it is the day to talk about it and raise awareness of this stigmatized subject.

I can’t recall a time when that dark thought didn’t creep into my mind.

We lived in a culture of crippling silence, shame, and stigma around suicide which I internalized and so those thoughts stayed unspoken and fortunately unsuccessful.

Ironically, my family was no stranger to the tragedy of suicide. It erupted throughout my childhood, though the act inevitably was couched in euphemism.

When a poised and elegant long-time friend of my mother’s improbably took a gun to her head when she learned her husband had created financial ruin, there was no place for a conversation with my parents. The word suicide was never mentioned either when the 20-something son of another of my parent’s close friends was found in the family garage, locked in a Buick Electra in a plume of carbon monoxide.

Suicide was taboo and therefore never discussed.

Then there was my great Uncle Harry an artist from whom it was said I inherited my artistic talent. A beloved uncle, who the story I was told, mysteriously “ fell” from his tony Central Park West apartment window when he was in his late 70s. It was only years later that it was revealed to me through an old N.Y. Daily News newspaper clipping that  he had jumped, likely in despair of losing his wife.

Falling, though tragic carried less of a shame and disgrace of suicide.

Not talking about suicide allows for shame and stigma to creep in. The more we talk the more skilled we are at having these essential conversations.

We need to start the conversation.

One conversation can save a life.

It was why I made the video of my emotional  journey called Perpetual

I created this video as way to hopefully shift public perception, raise awareness about the importance of reducing the stigma and encouraging open conversation about mental health and suicide

The video was based on a personal essay “Finding Solace in an Unlikely Spot” published in Lilith Magazine last summer it is the story of my decades-old battle with depression, , suicide ideation,  and loss and how I found strength in my Jewish heritage, finding the perpetual care I was seeking as I visited my family cemetery.

A new form of storytelling for me I re-imagined the essay as a moving collage that depicts loss, despair, and trauma along with resilience, determination, and hope, melding personal images, haunting music, my words, and my distinctive voice.

To have my words not only heard but spoken by me was an essential element of the motivation for making the film.

I was recently honored to have my video selected to be shown at the Mental Health Suicide Awareness Film Festival in Denver part of Mental Health Matters.

The theme of World Suicide Prevention Day is “Changing the Narrative on Suicide.” This theme aims to raise awareness about the importance of reducing the stigma and encouraging open conversation to prevent suicides.

The language we use to talk about suicide how we frame the issue, the content that gets shared on the web and social media can affect what happens next- whether it contributes to more deaths or prevents them.

Changing the narrative on suicide is about transforming how we perceive this complex issue and shifting from a culture of silence and stigma to one of openness understanding and support.

I want to encourage everyone to start the conversation on suicide and suicide prevention.

Every conversation no matter how small contributes to a supportive and understanding culture. By initiating these vital conversations we can break down barriers, raise awareness, and create better cultures of support.

Silence can be deadly.