Today, my mother has been gone the length of my entire childhood. 18 years. Those first 18 years seemed like an eternity as I was growing up. An entire lifetime, in fact.
Yet now 18 years seems to have passed in a flash. It could be 8 years or sometimes it feels like 18 months.
Grief time doesn’t follow physics.
It has been 18 years since I could pick up the phone to speak to my mother, something I took for granted those first 18 years, when more often than not it was a phone call to pick me up from school. I miss her sweet, gentle voice with the subtle New York accent, though I have been told I only have to listen to my own distinctive voice to hear hers. But I channel her words in my mind everyday.
For 18 years, she was always there when I stumbled. And for decades after that.
In these 18 years, I have stumbled, often, but the encouragement and love my mother gave me every single day help me up again.
My mother is still very much alive in my memories and in the stories I share. With each passing year, my love deepens, as does my respect, appreciation, and awe of all she did.
Silently, lovingly holding up all those she loved.
I hold her tight in my heart now.
Envisioning The American Dream 
Sally, this is so deeply descriptive of the ways you miss your mother. She does indeed live in your voice and your goodness and your compassion for others. She is with you always and especially today, dwelling in your heart. And you share her with us, which helps keep her spirit live on among even those of us who did not enjoy the honor of meeting her. You are showing you appreciation for a very special blessing.
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In March, I observed the 10th anniversary of my mom’s passing. Sally – I didn’t know your mom, but the way you’ve described her in the past and your relationship in this present post, strikes very close to how I feel about my own mom and me. Whenever I was troubled, I could talk with her and she would give me an alternate way of thinking that I hadn’t considered previously. And she was usually right. On the morning she passed in 2016, the presidential primaries were just getting ramped up. She told me, “don’t worry. By June, Trump will be done.” I wish she had been right that time.
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I am so glad you had the experience of such a loving mother as well and I’m glad my words can resonate with you. I know many have more troubled relationships with their mothers and we were blessed and fortunate to have had the positive ones we did. But boy do we miss them.
I am sure your mother would be in disbelief that Trump was elected – Twice! And see the state of our country.
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This is such a beautiful tribute to your mother. I feel very much the same way about the loss of my mother 7 years ago. We all know we will one day loose our mothers, but when it happens, it’s almost unbelievable, and leaves a great void in our lives.
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Thank you Riva. It is a fact of life that we all will lose our mothers but it is one we can never prepare for. A world without them. It seems impossible. It seems incomprehensible that my mother has been gone these many years.
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